The 5 aspects of Christmas

HELLO!. . .

or should I say? SEASONS GREETINGS!


Since it's Christmas, this the not so very Exciting CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!
where I will look at the five aspects of Christmas or at least what I think they are and then come up with some kind of epiphany about Christmas. Well it's going to be  Limerick Christmas because outside of that I only have what 've seen in movies to go on and that's not really a lot to go on. All these things you may or may not find captivating and delightful, we'll just have to see how it goes.

So Christmas! It's that magical time of the year where the world suddenly gets pretty. Which, brings me to Aspect #1, Decorations. Christmas decorations have that uncanny ability to make the dankest shabbiest parts of towns look good. What was shady and slightly intimidating is suddenly ablaze with dazzling lights and a multitude of colours that confuse and disorientate you into a sense of ease and wellness. This may seem like a bad thing but to be honest I like the facade. Its not often that Limerick gets all dolled up. There might as well be one time in the year where everything seems absolutely AY  O.K.

But then again, when is everything absolutely AY  O.K? A few years ago during the re-vamp of Thomond Park. It was decided that making a giant eco friendly Christmas tree, the green tree they called it, from recycled bits of the stadium would be a good idea. At the time I had to admit, I thought it was too. Recycled eco friendly Christmas tree? Fantastic idea! I expected something beautiful and amazing. That, However, is not what I got. This is what I got.

oil rig. right?

Now don't get me wrong, at night, it looks very pretty and glamorous, bobbing gently atop the water, lighting up the otherwise black river but that's not my issue. My issue is when its not lighting up it just looks like an oil rig. . .a really, really small oil rig but, still an oil rig. This in my opinion is an eyesore and its not even remotely tree-like. It feels cold and industrious, It's how Christmas would be if Santa ran a steel mill.

The other Thing about Limerick's beloved "Green Tree" is its placement. The river really helps the oil rig impression and the other problem with rivers is they flow and you know. . . move. Which for Limerick results in little mishaps. Such as this. . .

oops

so yea. . .oops our bad. It's times like that, that I really do feel like I live in an episode of Family Guy because this seems like something that would happen there. Alas, nope, it would just seem that "Thas Limerick Citay!" I think in the summer we could turn it upside down and try to pass it off as a giant ice cream cone. Its closer to that then it is a tree. There you have it, my take on decorations, well the public ones at least.They just seem to be a FAIL. they spend money put um up, you see them at a glance and think they look great but, when you look closer the bulbs are blown and the giant steel tree has crashed into the bridge. . .oh well.

The other thing about decorations in limerick are those lights people put on their houses. That's nice you know? kinda loses its magic though when your driving down the road the following June and they are still up! At our house we also have these decorative Christmas star things which hang from the ceiling and when I say "hang" I mean plunge to the ground often kamikaze-ing our unsuspecting cat as it takes its millionth nap of the day. We know it will happen but every year we always put them up and why do we do it? It's not because we hate our cat. . .that much. It's because its Christmas. Which as we know is a great excuse to do virtually anything like put a giant metal cone in the river and call it a tree.      

Next up, aspect #2, is of course the Coke ad. the one that stirs that feeling of "It's CHRISTMAS" when you hear the "Holiday's are coming" song. A lot of people will agree that it's not Christmas until they see that ad. for those of you who don't know what 'm talking about. It'd be this.

Naturally I thought It would be very exciting to go see the Christmas Coke truck when it came to visit. I don't know what I was expecting but I was irrationally excited but what it was, was a shop. A shop that sold Coca-Cola things. . .expensive Coca-Cola things. Total let down. I don't think 'm the only one who feels let down by the Coke truck but 'm only basing this on one Tweet;

 I find this fact particularly disappointing because the ad builds it up so much and Coke were the company that turned Santa's clothes  from green to red. Given that, surely they could think of something more mind blowing. . .Hell 'd settle for like a free bottle of Coke or something.Anything could have made my spontaneous visit to the coke truck better. Oh well Christmas is supposed to be disappointing in some respects right? Like when you get socks? Well not me, frankly I love getting socks, my washing machine devours them so I feel reassured by having lots. Anyway, The coke truck is my equivalent of socks as a present. All wrapped up looking pretty amazing at first but inside there's that sense of disappointment.

The next thing about Christmas has got to be food. I don't know what it is with western culture but we like, love to eat. In the east they have Ramadan a period of fasting. Here in the west at Christmas we eat, we eat and eat until we make ourselves practically sick or sick and why do we do it? BECAUSE ITS FRIGGING NOMTASTIC! plus who doesn't want blood that could be a substitute for maple syrup? Tasty stuff is so tasty  and if I had to have a favourite christmas chocolate it has to be the little chocolates you can hang on the Christmas tree.

I think they are really cool because they are so elusive. you put them on the tree and then kinda forget about them until one point during Christmas day when are sprawled out across your favourite chair. You're stomach is literally at capacity and every movement you make makes you feel like you are gonna pop. When you suddenly spot them, you remember they exist and then think "AWH YEA". Suddenly you seemly forget about all the turkey you just shoved into your mouth. Dart up off the chair and then kind of hunt for them around the tree. Then you realize that you've been devouring very happy characters at an alarming rate.
This really creeps me out because they are so adorable looking and we eat them. . .mercilessly.Weird. I mean I love Santa why I go around devouring small replica's of him is beyond me. . .it's kinda like if the ancient Greeks went around eating little Zeus statues. . .they just wouldn't. Eating isn't a very honorific action and although Santa isn't exactly a deity eating him still seems kind of wrong.

Lets not forget after all our gorging down food we bloat into hippo-like monsters full of regret and never seem to learn from the experience because next year, after recovering from our treadmill traumas from seasons past, we do it all again. Humans as a race really are kinda weird in that regard.   

Next up is family, the 4th aspect. You come home for Christmas and you see them and you are genuinely glad. You didn't realise how much you missed them and are so happy to be home but suddenly if you are anything like me and mine, the reality sinks in and the prolonged exposure to your family drives you nuts. I realize its supposed to, but its like you come home and BOOM there is a load of people in your 4 bed room house and you fit nowhere. Your room has been given away to some visiting relative and you're stuck sleeping on your brothers bedroom floor. Then your brother does something annoying and you JUST CAN'T ESCAPE! Okay, so maybe its not that bad but its something to that effect. The family aspect of Christmas is a really tough one to settle on. I mean sure they drive you absolutely crazy but, how crappy would it be with out them? Its the one aspect that seems to simultaneously make and break Christmas time. One things for sure, it's not Christmas without them.

Finally, aspect #5. The presents! Who doesn't love material gain? Generally I have good experiences with Christmas presents. I think this is for two reasons.

1. I actually like getting socks as a present

                               and
      2. I do generally get good presents that I actually like.
I think as a kid I just all round loved pointless junk that I could play with for a few months then forget about but, as I got older I started valuing the useful things a lot more. One Christmas tradition of mine is acquiring so many Lynx deodorant and body wash sets that I literally do not need to buy deodorant for the year. An occurrence I appreciate a considerable amount more since becoming a student. Lets face it existing is expensive and this is very handy. Maybe 'm just easy going. I don't have a lot of things so any kind of thing is appreciated.

Getting presents isn't the only part of present's though. There's also giving people presents. I know this one doesn't seem as much fun as having people give you stuff but, I LOVE IT! It's not because 'm a good person and it feels good to give. NO! Its about me looking awesome each Christmas for getting gifts for people. Especially if you know its something they want/need/will like. It's kind of stuck up and self righteous. . .but yeah I buy Christmas presents specifically so I can think "Jamie, that was a nice thing you did".

Okay so, I think that's It. The 5 aspects of Christmas as told by Jamie. So boys and girls! what did we learn? Personally while writing this I noticed that Christmas is very up its self. It's like a masquerade of peace and good will with alterior motives of making yourself look good. Except maybe for the food, that just seems to be delicious regret. Anyway, I don't think it's a bad thing. It makes you feel good and other people feel good and even one of the countries dodgiest cities seem pleasant. Christmas serves as this one day a year where the world doesn't seem so crappy and you get free stuff. The perfect illusion of happy, to make an otherwise bleak year dazzle can only be a good thing I mean who doesn't want a nice distraction from something like. . .oh say. . . Budget 2012. Which they announce just before Christmas. . .so you know cheers for that one lads. I think they announce it when they do because they hope Christmas will be a shock absorber. It comes first then all these horrible things happen in January. So to Sum up Christmas may have started out as Jesus' birthday but its now more of a government scape-goat and Festive ego buffer that some how still spreads joy and happiness to most. I have decided that Christmas is a strange thing but it's also the only thing I know of that can do what it does. Which I think is cool so Christmas thanks for giving me something to look forward to at the end of every year.

Well that about wraps this. . . holiday abomination up.

so

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night"