for this entry I think 'll complain about smoking.
This is gonna be more of a rant about how annoying it is quitting smoking cold turkey and then throw in some some health promotion at the end (which I feel morally obligated to do as a student nurse).
So yeAH. . .it's been 11 days since my last cigarette and I have very contrasting feelings about that fact. . .
On the one hand 'm kinda proud of myself because, well its like being set free. Like smoking had me clenched tightly between it's wispy grey fingers (which you would think would be an easy grip to escape given the fact that it's thin and wispy but there you go) and now I get to say ha you don't own me BUT (and here's the kicker) it's all a big lie.
Since smoking is both a stupid and expensive hobby, and we now live in the time of the Great Recession, the only reason I stopped was because I have no money. It's not like this isn't a health benefit or anything, everyone will tell you that not smoking = good. Well everyone if not smoking is so frigging fantastic than why do I wake up every day thinking how good and happy my life was when I was puffing down 10 or more cancer sticks a day? Addiction? Probably. All in all the whole experience is similar to being dumped by someone who was a total ass hole, but you were too stupid and in love to see it. As far as you were concerned, you liked having them around, and were oblivious to the damage they were doing to you, so you were happy. That's pretty much the smoker/cigarette relationship.
Of course once the relationship was over the hurt, and crazy irrational behavior kicks in. Deprived of my precious ciggys, I found that extremely moody, aggressive behavior took a turn at the wheel, while my normal behavior was bound, gagged and shoved into the boot. I mean days 1 and 2, were fine, sure I was agitated and twitchy but still you know. . .sane. Science says it takes two days for all the nicotine you consume to leave your body. I was skeptical of that at first. Until day 3 happened. On day 3, I looked and felt like this
 |
| pretty, aren't I? |
while acting like the biggest ass hole ever to walk the earth. I tried to adjust to my new life, which wasn't fun but I did notice a few new quirks that quitting brought out in me (besides constant irritation at everything). I found that when I wasn't indiscriminately snapping at loved ones or strangers, I was manically looking around my room to see if I had miraculously hidden some cigarettes somewhere, pacing in small circles or just breaking down to near tears and scrutinizing every choice 've ever made in my life desperately trying to figure out how I landed myself in this predicament.
I can safely say it was one of the worst and most emotionally trying times of my life (still is actually). . .equal to any bad break up I ever had. A few days passed and with them, those new found quirks of mine dulled. It was only when they did, that I found a few perks to the forced closure of my nasty habit.
Now all those no smoking people, adverts and leaflets will tell you that quitting is good for you and leads to healthy lungs, whiter teeth and not smelling like an ash tray all the freaking time. To be honest those didn't do much for me, respiratory wise smoking hadn't seemed to do any damage. After 3 years the only notable difference was I was shit at holding my breath, As for the ashtray stank, I liked smoking and thus liked smelling like cigarettes. I used a whitening toothpaste to avoid the yellow teeth thing so I really had no incentive to stop smoking (probably would have had a major one along the line though). Anyway those were all well and good but don't seem worth it. I wasn't impressed. 'd rather be smoking, but what did impress me was my sense of smell.
I had no idea how much my sense of smell was impaired until the smoking stopped. It was like I was born again, and suddenly all around me there was this world of smells (weird sentiment, but 'll stand by it). It was like having a super power at first. Everyone smells different! I don't know why I didn't know that, or why I was so excited to discover that, but I could Identify people just by catching their faint scents and I thought it was the greatest thing ever. After awhile though, the novelty wore off and then I just pretty much wanted to be smoking again. I'd also like to say that 'm saving money. . .but 'm not, I have just have no money to spend.
. . .it's been 11days. . .It feels longer. Anyway to wrap things up. Now I sometimes just sit and wonder will I start smoking again the second I can afford to? Probably. part of me knows I don't really want to stop. Will I regret that down the line? Definitely. For some reason though it doesn't seem like a bad thing right now. . . thats probably because, ironically, every time I see an ad for quitting smoking, It reminds me that 'm not smoking and makes me want to be smoking. I feel like 'm young and have plenty of time to quit, even though I know if I start again 'll most likely die younger, gasping for air that my sludgy shriveled black lungs just can't get. . .on the one hand that's horrifying. . .and on the other I still want to smoke and feel like I most likely will again. That said I will try exercise the ol' will power because it really has been a horrible few days and I don't think I want to do that to myself ever again. So wish me luck.
and well there you have it. The first 11 days of a smoke free life, as told by Jamie.
If you, for what ever reason have to/ want to quit smoking and are Irish
you can get help and advice here.
or find them on the Facebook (now more omnipresent than god) here.
if you're not Irish, it's still relevant and interesting (except the hotline, don't call that.)
